Since then...

Since then (and by then i mean my last post), I'm me again. An adjusted me, but me. I work full time and another part time. And I play with my friends! I go out to eat and I dont get out of bed in the morning because i love sleeping in with chaco and that is something that doesn't happen nearly enough. Something I relearned about myself is that I love cooking when I'm home alone!

I have great friends and we have a great time. I'm not scared of putting myself out there again. I've fallen head over heels and then fallen face first. Things work for a while and then they don't. Its scary when you know that you're not the one in control. You can't make someone else love you. But it doesn't hurt like in the past. Maybe its because i'm getting used to being tossed aside. But then again maybe I'm learning how to protect myself and really listening to when its not quit going the way you know its supposed to.

Rei Leigh will say, he's just a stupid boy. Ashleigh will tell me, at least your not alone. And Erin will tell me, aw i'm sorry boo.
All things I want to hear and all things that band-aide me back together until I heal myself.

Since then, I'm ok.

Slow Motion

I have found that if I get out of bed right when I wake up, my day is a little better. If I don't get up, I tend to stay there and cry until something makes me get up, i.e. my job or my body hurting because I've been lying there for so long. As I said before, my world seems to be moving in slow motion and time stands still. I only work a part time job so what am I to do with the other hours during the week that I have nothing to do. I work out.. A LOT... but that is only about 7 hours per week. I deactivated my facebook for a while so what used to take up at least 2 hours a day now needs to be filled by something new and Twitter does not fill the same void.

The worst part is I want to talk to a particular person who refuses. It hurts, it might mean closure for me once I talk to him. I've reached out and nothing... I don't know what else to do. I don't want to smother, that's what got me into this position in the first place, but I do want/ need to talk.

Status Update

By special request, I'm back... thank you Mr. Ramirez and I do hope the movie wraps up nicely. Without going into specifics, the weather directly reflects my emotions. Drizzly, cloudy with a chance of hysterical showers only to be followed by a frigidly cold front rounding off the day with some sun but topsy turvy wind. I really do love when it rains. It makes me feel like the earth is getting out its frustrations... you know that one good cry a year! In the case of Texas, the one good cry in a few years.. thank you Jesus the earth was in need of a cry.

I will not lie, I have written several entries since I sat down and all seem very emotional and heavy. That couldn't have anything to do with the fact that my world is moving in slow motion, now could it. I'm not a huge fan of uber-emo and extra personal social media updates. i.e hour by hour baby labor tweets= kinda weird. Or the ones that read something like this.. "My heart is breaking and I can't breath..." Isn't that a Taylor Swift song??? I just think that if your having a rough time or a bad day your status should read something like this... "rough day... I need a drink" or "pray for me," 'cause if you're anything like me... the details sometimes make me awkward. I'm having a tough time right now and I don't want to make my readers awkward so... rough day.. I need a drink and pray for me!

Unexpected Encouragement!

I was walking out of Mozart's Coffee shop today after sending a thousand e-mails and forcing my brain on to the next thing I have to do and planning the rest of my day, when a 4 year old walks out of the restroom, looks at me and says, "Me and my dad just shared an ice cream!!!" He was ecstatic! I asked him what kind. "Chocolate!" (of course) Before I can say "YUM," he starts to tell me about his big plan to go to the Nature Center and how he hasn't been in a "long long time" so he doesn't really remember the bat cave! And that is his first stop, the bat cave!! This precious conversation lasted all the way from the front door of Mozart's, across the front deck, up the stairs and to the edge of the parking lot. As we began to part ways, I tell him that his day sounds so fun and that I hope he remembers the bat cave this time, and he says "Yeehh!!" And instead of "BYE!" he turns and yells "GOOD LUCK!"

Just the encouragement I needed for my first big project at work! It also put a huge smile on my face!

Tour de France Phenomena

Its that time of the year. Tour de France... Unfortunately that catchy slogan, "Tour de Lance" will not be shouted, as our hometown hero hold down 3rd place after 8 stages and Spain has a steady lead. All of that said, the Tour brings out the professional biker in all of us. Roadside cyclist are not an uncommon sight on the shoulders of our hill country highways. On weekends, city dwellers flock by the hundreds to the beautiful back roads. But during these weeks of nail biting trials and seconds between first and second place as our favorites press on over the Pyreneese Mtns to win that yellow jersey, those weekend warriors are hitting the roads more frequently than Saturday and Sunday mornings. Instead I passed a team in training just this morning... its Tuesday. Its almost as if they are trying to make up for those dreadful minutes trapping their choice Austinite in 3rd. The only difference in their hard work and his, its 105* here and about 80* there.

A 180

I'm in Texas. And its hard right now but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I decided not to move to LA and go to grad school here. It has been something I have wanted to do for a long time now and the best way to do that is to stay in Austin. Now I have to figure out how to pay for it and thats a life time of stress filled conversations. I am open to all ideas and suggestions!

I'm super excited about having a summer in Austin. I have wanted to be here for so long but school and work kept me away. Now, I'm here. I'm about to leave for Port Aransas to spend some much needed time with my brother and my precious grandparents, Peggy and Cactus. Chase and I are going camping with friends this weekend and the Frio River sounds so sweet!

A Bittersweet Symphony

I'm sitting at TOMS HQ and it is so good to be back! Reunited with friends and stationary, at least for a while. So now we are processing our travels. And a process it is... I've really been everywhere. After this tour, I will drive 4 hours to meet someone for lunch and then turn around and go home. I mean, after driving 24 hours straight 8 hours of driving in one day is nothing.

How am I feeling about going home? Truthfully, it's a little bittersweet. I'm super excited to fly home with Katie and see my mom and dad and Pec. Stoked about hanging out with Charity and Angela, eating some Salt Lick and going dancing! I'm ready for my body to go into hypothermic shock as soon as I jump into Barton Springs. The cliffs of Lake Travis are calling my name. But at the same time, I'm leaving LA. 3rd Street Promenade all day, Venice Beach for sunset, Malibu on the weekends, wineries in Napa and the most amazing fresh strawberries on the side of the road, 65* at night and beautiful during the day! So yes, I am sad to leave California.

People ask why I love LA so much... "there is traffic?!?!" "everyone is so superficial"... yadda yadda YADDA! I just tell them: number 1, I am either going to sit in traffic in Downtown Austin, or sit in traffic on the PCH next to the beach. number 2, there are superficial people everywhere. and number 3, LA is this huge city on the beach that is totally chill and laid back. Everything I love is with in 2 hours of me. I can be at Butterfly Beach in 1.5 hrs, hiking in the mountains of Topanga is 30 mins or working out at muscle beach in 15. Perfection!